I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
So squirting runs in the family.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
