Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
