Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
