babies were throwing up all over the place
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
