There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
