this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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