I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
