You smell like stripper and shame
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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