I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
