he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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