I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
