How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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