A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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