Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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