You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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