The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
