did you get engaged???
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
