do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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