remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
