Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
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