god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
