dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
