My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
