i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
