We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
