I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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