YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
