drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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