Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
