I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
