I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
