Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
