im six kinds of drunk right now
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
BRING THE BAGELS
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
