I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm getting married
To pizza
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
