i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
