My hair reeks of homosexuality.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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