Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize