Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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