My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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