just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
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