sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
