sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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