I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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