so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
