in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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