I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
