he wants to bone in the snuggie
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
