Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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