wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
