420 ftw
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
