her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
