i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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