Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
