we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Do vagina's smell?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
