worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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