My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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