Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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