Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
