I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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