Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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