you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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