I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
