I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Operation Purity has been aborted
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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