They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize