When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
