She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
