i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
