He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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