My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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