god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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