And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
