there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
