my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
