haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
