omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
handjob tips. give me some.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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