I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
