I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
