Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
