i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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