doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
